Ramblings from week 10

Week 10 now and it feels like I have hit a wall when it comes to assignments. I love what I am doing, but some of the assignments and the restrictions that are applied to the assignments seem kind of stupid.

I've been working on the current assignment for a few days now, and started it far too late. It's one that is overly frustrating and makes me want to tear my hair out. Although I keep on telling myself that it will be okay and I will have it completed to hand in on time.

It feels like summer has finally left and the days are much cooler (although I know a lot of people would disagree with me, but what do you expect from a girl who has grown up in the sub-tropics?). The cooler weather is probably not helping with my motivation to get this work done, because all I want to do is curl back up in bed under a blanket and read ghost stories or histories that are ignored by most historians.

I have my assignment open in a different window on my computer and sitting in front of me is a self-bribe to complete the work, although it's not having much affect (or is that effect... I always get those words confused). While the sun is shining outside the window a cool breeze is blowing into the room I am in and even with the birds singing it feels far too quiet here. And for the first time since starting this blog earlier in the year I am consciously writing in it as a form of procrastination. Rather foolishly I might add, since the assignment in the other window is due tomorrow and I still have mountains of writing and research to do.

That aside I have been doing well, and my results thus far have been better than I could have expected. And have felt enthused enough to apply for an intensive course over the winter break. Just a small update, and moment of procrastination and I have to get back to this assignment.

The strange things about nursing school

Before going to nursing school I studied acting and the one thing that continues to amaze me is the different attitudes people have about the human body. When I studied acting people were so comfortable with their bodies and those of other people. It wasn't all that unusual for people to walk around the school getting changed and there were even classes where nudity wasn't considered out of place.

Cut to a few years later and nursing school and the level of comfort people have with bodies is so different. While studying acting I never once heard somebody go "ewww, I have to touch somebody", however at nursing school I have lost count of the people that have said "ewww, you mean I have to touch them"...

Week 8... Not too long to go!

Wow, I can't believe that it's nearly the end of week eight... It's kind of scary since there are only 13 weeks in the semester.

I've finally got some results back for some of my assessment. I got an 18.5 out of 25 for the seminar I did back at the beginning of the semester... Not a bad result, but I would like to do better, but I did use it as an opportunity to get feedback on what I can do to improve for next time.

The last couple of weeks have been pretty hard for me and my anxiety has been making it hard. I've still been managing to get my assessments handed in, although I don't feel like they were up to the standard I should be doing. However, I have been finding it hard to focus and have had a day or two where I missed lectures due to feeling like I was on the verge of having an anxiety or panic attack.

I have used the last couple of weeks to try and motivate myself to be more organised and get more work done early. I have also realised that I need more balance in my life. Last night I caught up with some friends and saw a movie and was more relaxed than I have been in weeks.

I still love the course (if not all of the lecturers) and am happier than I have been in such a long time...

Lost and Found: Surviving Holidays and Keeping Motivated

Last day before heading back to classes, and the time I could have spent studying is over, not wasted, but lost.

Somewhere in the last week leading up to the break/study week I started to get scared and anxious and all the good work I had been doing seemed to become lost, along with my motivation. Anxiety had reared it´s head, and I seemed to be swallowed by the beast. I knew what I should be doing, but I started to question myself and if I should really be at nursing school and if I would make a good nurse. I became mildly depressed because of all the ¨I should¨ thoughts running through my head.

Last night we had some people over for dinner, including somebody who was a nurse and currently working as a nurse manager. We got talking and while I don´t have any stories of my own to share yet, I listened to the stories, I got to laugh, gasp and have input... And somewhere in all that I found myself reminded of why I was doing this.

This morning I awoke with a renewed desire to become a nurse and renewed motivation. I´m going to have to work hard at playing catch-up with the last couple of weeks and to get my assignments up to date, but I want to now and I have reason to.

Week 5, Catch-up and I survived until the mid-semester break!

So... week 5 is over, another assignment down and it´s time to have a short break.

I made it through the ´mythical´ week 5, have keep up to date with my assignments - if not always my readings and general study. I´ve been playing catch-up this week and have plans to use the break to try and get ahead again.

I´m still struggling to get myself into a set study routine, and am disappointed that I´m disorganised. I want to be more organised and I find myself frustrated that I´m falling back into old and bad habits. I never really learnt how to study properly in the past and it´s really starting to show. I get distracted far too easily and procrastinate/find excuses to not do things.

That said, if I can use this break to catch up and get ahead a bit more I will do okay. And I really want to learn good study habits and skills. I wonder if I can find a good book on study habits/skills that would help me?

I should get back to work.

Week 4: ´puters, assignments and study groups

So here I am in week 4 with just one more week to go until the mythical ´week 5´ which is rumoured to be the week where youĺl know if youŕe going to make it or not.

This week found me settling in more and feeling temporarily less stressed... at least until I realised that I had yet another assignment due next week. There were other problems as well, with the power adapter for my laptop dying (after being replaced just 5 weeks ago!) hunting for a new and affordable ´puter (Asus Eee PC - affordable and cute and tiny at just 7¨), forgetting that I had to write a self-evaluation on the seminar I did last week and the seemingly unending state of exhaustion - not to mention the apparently impossible task of finding vegan nurses shoes.

There have been some good things this week as well. The study group that we´ve been discussing starting had itś first meeting this week and it proved to be an excellent idea- with all that attended feeling like they were more sure of what they were doing.

There seem to be some people in my classes that are drifting away more and in some cases the age differences are really starting to both show and be felt. I find myself wondering just how much longer it will be before some of the younger ones quit. Some of them are lovely, but it seems like they are out of their depth or not willing to accept the not so good parts of being a nurse.

Week 3, Week 4 - Assignments, Seminars and feeling like I belong here

Week 3 is finally over! I was feeling pretty stressed about this last week, since I had my first three assignments due - including at 20 minute seminar to present. The seminar went well and I've had my fellow students tell me that they learned something from it and that it was interesting, which has been great. Although I do keep on thinking of things that I was supposed to include and didn't mention.

I know that there was a lot more that happened in week 3, but I can't remember most of it because I was so focuses on the assignments... The clinical lab class was pretty good though. Teeth cleaning and shaving. It's kind of weird shaving somebody of the opposite gender when you have never done that before. I really like the other students that I've worked with in my clinical labs - we always seem to have so much fun while we are learning...

I remember reading online that some nursing students could be really bitchy - generally on international sites and forums, but I haven't found that to be the case. Everybody that I've spent time with has been so supportive of each other, even when there's the occasional personality clash (read as personality that the individual find annoying/frustrating). And even the lecturers and facilitators are great - and that includes the 'scary' ones.

One of the lecturers that I have has a reputation for being 'scary', however when I had to see her about my seminar she was fantastic and gave me so much help!

Into week 4 now and a little bit of breathing space, even if there is another assignment due in next week, but after making it through last week I feel much more confident about it.

I feel like I am slowly becoming more in control of my studies and that they are not running away without me. And this week should see the beginning of our official study group meetings on Thursday afternoon/evening.

There are things that I need to improve or organise more, but they do seem to be falling into place. I'm still a little behind on my readings and need to spend some more time doing research into a couple of my subjects, but it's not totally overwhelming or something that I can't deal with.

If nothing else I've been so proud of myself in the last couple of weeks. It hasn't always been easy - especially when some things haven't gone according to plan, but I've been coping with it well most of the time. And I think that is one of the things that is making me feel like I belong at nursing school. In the first couple of weeks I didn't know if I could deal with it - especially alongside my GAD (generalised anxiety disorder), but I have done well. Just one or two moments of really bad anxiety and then after the event rather than before. And generally happier than I have been in years.