Week 8... Not too long to go!

Wow, I can't believe that it's nearly the end of week eight... It's kind of scary since there are only 13 weeks in the semester.

I've finally got some results back for some of my assessment. I got an 18.5 out of 25 for the seminar I did back at the beginning of the semester... Not a bad result, but I would like to do better, but I did use it as an opportunity to get feedback on what I can do to improve for next time.

The last couple of weeks have been pretty hard for me and my anxiety has been making it hard. I've still been managing to get my assessments handed in, although I don't feel like they were up to the standard I should be doing. However, I have been finding it hard to focus and have had a day or two where I missed lectures due to feeling like I was on the verge of having an anxiety or panic attack.

I have used the last couple of weeks to try and motivate myself to be more organised and get more work done early. I have also realised that I need more balance in my life. Last night I caught up with some friends and saw a movie and was more relaxed than I have been in weeks.

I still love the course (if not all of the lecturers) and am happier than I have been in such a long time...

Lost and Found: Surviving Holidays and Keeping Motivated

Last day before heading back to classes, and the time I could have spent studying is over, not wasted, but lost.

Somewhere in the last week leading up to the break/study week I started to get scared and anxious and all the good work I had been doing seemed to become lost, along with my motivation. Anxiety had reared it´s head, and I seemed to be swallowed by the beast. I knew what I should be doing, but I started to question myself and if I should really be at nursing school and if I would make a good nurse. I became mildly depressed because of all the ¨I should¨ thoughts running through my head.

Last night we had some people over for dinner, including somebody who was a nurse and currently working as a nurse manager. We got talking and while I don´t have any stories of my own to share yet, I listened to the stories, I got to laugh, gasp and have input... And somewhere in all that I found myself reminded of why I was doing this.

This morning I awoke with a renewed desire to become a nurse and renewed motivation. I´m going to have to work hard at playing catch-up with the last couple of weeks and to get my assignments up to date, but I want to now and I have reason to.

Week 3, Week 4 - Assignments, Seminars and feeling like I belong here

Week 3 is finally over! I was feeling pretty stressed about this last week, since I had my first three assignments due - including at 20 minute seminar to present. The seminar went well and I've had my fellow students tell me that they learned something from it and that it was interesting, which has been great. Although I do keep on thinking of things that I was supposed to include and didn't mention.

I know that there was a lot more that happened in week 3, but I can't remember most of it because I was so focuses on the assignments... The clinical lab class was pretty good though. Teeth cleaning and shaving. It's kind of weird shaving somebody of the opposite gender when you have never done that before. I really like the other students that I've worked with in my clinical labs - we always seem to have so much fun while we are learning...

I remember reading online that some nursing students could be really bitchy - generally on international sites and forums, but I haven't found that to be the case. Everybody that I've spent time with has been so supportive of each other, even when there's the occasional personality clash (read as personality that the individual find annoying/frustrating). And even the lecturers and facilitators are great - and that includes the 'scary' ones.

One of the lecturers that I have has a reputation for being 'scary', however when I had to see her about my seminar she was fantastic and gave me so much help!

Into week 4 now and a little bit of breathing space, even if there is another assignment due in next week, but after making it through last week I feel much more confident about it.

I feel like I am slowly becoming more in control of my studies and that they are not running away without me. And this week should see the beginning of our official study group meetings on Thursday afternoon/evening.

There are things that I need to improve or organise more, but they do seem to be falling into place. I'm still a little behind on my readings and need to spend some more time doing research into a couple of my subjects, but it's not totally overwhelming or something that I can't deal with.

If nothing else I've been so proud of myself in the last couple of weeks. It hasn't always been easy - especially when some things haven't gone according to plan, but I've been coping with it well most of the time. And I think that is one of the things that is making me feel like I belong at nursing school. In the first couple of weeks I didn't know if I could deal with it - especially alongside my GAD (generalised anxiety disorder), but I have done well. Just one or two moments of really bad anxiety and then after the event rather than before. And generally happier than I have been in years.

Day One - Orientation, Anxiety and Sleepless Nights

For the last few nights I haven't been sleeping well and last night I just couldn't relax. I don't think I've ever been so scared about a first day in my life. I wonder if I am doing the right thing, if it's going to be too hard and what I am doing going back to school.

I'm 28 years old and have floundered around in my working life, so going to nursing school is a big change - and one that I've been looking forward to (even if it is sometimes with fear). Today was my first day of orientation at uni and I was terrified about it. This morning I woke up from the little sleep I had gotten and packed my bag. I caught the train and went to catch the bus. I was already nervous, and when the bus didn't turn up on time I was verging on panic. I didn't want to be late for my first day. After making a few calls to try and arrange a lift the bus finally turned up - only 15 minutes late, but it felt like hours. I cancelled the lift and was on my way.

I arrived at my uni and headed up to one of the lecture theatres where an introduction to the uni was being held. I'd been running a little late, so I didn't get my bag of information until later, however I did meet a midwifery student who was close in age to me, so I had somebody to talk to and sit with through the day. Once I was sitting down and listening to all the speakers I relaxed somewhat. I was really doing this. I was taking steps towards becoming a nurse.

I did all the first day things - signing up to get my ID, touring the campus, signing up my interest in a couple of different groups/activities and buying my books. Everybody I met was friendly and I even ran into somebody I know! So I guess it's a good start.

Although the pile of text books is kind of daunting, I'm sure that at least some of them will be interesting.