Lost and Found: Surviving Holidays and Keeping Motivated

Last day before heading back to classes, and the time I could have spent studying is over, not wasted, but lost.

Somewhere in the last week leading up to the break/study week I started to get scared and anxious and all the good work I had been doing seemed to become lost, along with my motivation. Anxiety had reared it´s head, and I seemed to be swallowed by the beast. I knew what I should be doing, but I started to question myself and if I should really be at nursing school and if I would make a good nurse. I became mildly depressed because of all the ¨I should¨ thoughts running through my head.

Last night we had some people over for dinner, including somebody who was a nurse and currently working as a nurse manager. We got talking and while I don´t have any stories of my own to share yet, I listened to the stories, I got to laugh, gasp and have input... And somewhere in all that I found myself reminded of why I was doing this.

This morning I awoke with a renewed desire to become a nurse and renewed motivation. I´m going to have to work hard at playing catch-up with the last couple of weeks and to get my assignments up to date, but I want to now and I have reason to.

Week 5, Catch-up and I survived until the mid-semester break!

So... week 5 is over, another assignment down and it´s time to have a short break.

I made it through the ´mythical´ week 5, have keep up to date with my assignments - if not always my readings and general study. I´ve been playing catch-up this week and have plans to use the break to try and get ahead again.

I´m still struggling to get myself into a set study routine, and am disappointed that I´m disorganised. I want to be more organised and I find myself frustrated that I´m falling back into old and bad habits. I never really learnt how to study properly in the past and it´s really starting to show. I get distracted far too easily and procrastinate/find excuses to not do things.

That said, if I can use this break to catch up and get ahead a bit more I will do okay. And I really want to learn good study habits and skills. I wonder if I can find a good book on study habits/skills that would help me?

I should get back to work.

Week Two Review

So here I am, about to head into week three, and not a lot of posting happening.

Week two was pretty hectic and crazy. So much work to do, with three assignments to be completed for week three. I've been working hard on them, including tonight and am now feeling all headachy.

Biology was interesting, with a dissection being done in class. I had mentioned briefly to the facilitator that I had an ethical objection to participating in a dissection, but my comments were pretty much just brushed to the side. That said, my lab group is fantastic and understanding. I spoke with them before the dissection and said that I didn't want to participate due to my ethical objections to animal dissections, and they were fine with it. Seeing as I actually find the human and non-human body interesting I wasn't as concerned about observing the dissection. And it proved to be a good opportunity to talk to my lab group about why I have an ethical objection to the practice.

The dissection that was being done was of a Cow bone, and it enabled me to have a conversation about how Bovines typically don't even get to live a quarter of their lives. And that considering that a Cow may live for 20 years, and they are often killed by five years of age it wasn't a lot different to saying that I should have been dead by now - at just 28.

I'm pleased that I was able to use something that I was ethically opposed to as a way to start a conversation - and to start a conversation in a way that was accepted by those listening to it.

Other than the dissection, the week was good. I finally feel like I am starting to get into the right head space to be studying and there was a moment where I felt that it was all just falling into place.

I've still got a lot of work to get done before classes tomorrow and need to try and get a good nights sleep - and check to see if I will be getting a lift to uni tomorrow.

Week one down, week two half over... and when do I stop feeling exhausted?

Week one over. Week two halfway through. There's a couple of things I want to know... actually there's just one thing that I really want to know - when do I stop feeling so tired? Seriously I can only remember feeling this tired at one other time in my life - and that's when I had glandular fever!!

I'm loving most of the work I am doing - and a lot of the classes I am taking this semester just keep on getting more interesting, but when I don't have classes all I want to do is sleep. I've managed to set my timetable up so that I have two days where I don't have to attend uni and where I should be doing study at home, but what do I end up doing? I sleep. And then I get annoyed with myself since I shouldn't be sleeping and I should be studying.

Apart from being so tired though it's great... or it will be when I get those assignments due in week three done.

The practical classes are fantastic. This week we practiced giving bed-baths to other students and making beds. The bed making wasn't too bad, since it's pretty much how I was taught to make my bed as a kid. And the baths were interesting... apparently I give a good bed-bath and the student I was bathing said that she really liked the way I bathed her hands and feet because it was soothing and relaxing. So I guess that's a good start.

A few rants about doing group work, but it doesn't surprise me that much, because I've never been all that good at taking part in group work. I tend to get frustrated that people don't listen to my opinion when I have a point to make. For example today I was working on a group assignment and one of the girls just out of high school was saying not to use websites as references, and I was saying that there are some websites that are actually good references, such as the Australian Bureau of Statistics website. However she refused point blank to accept that any website could be a good source of information.

I've been spending the last couple of days at uni coming out about my being vegan, which has been interesting. Of course there's been the usual reactions of "I wish I could be veg*n" or "That's got to be hard/restrictive", but so far most of the people I've told have been pretty cool about it. Although the hard part is going to be coming up soon - dissections. I have an ethical (and semi-philosophical/religious) objection to the use of animal dissections and have a feeling that it may be the first of many battles to come, but I'm going to stick it out.

Day One - Lectures, Tutorials and Timetable SNAFU

So here I am, at the end of day one exhausted, but happy. It was a long-ish day starting with a lecture at 9am and finishing at 6pm (again with a lecture). Three of my five lectures covering four subjects were on today, in addition to two tutorials and a pre-seminar meeting.

The first lecture was pretty much just an introduction to the subject (anatomy and physiology/microbiology) which was a nice start to the day, however following right on from the lecture I had to sign up for my seminar assessment topic which has ended up being in week 3 - hence the pre-seminar meeting. So in week 3 I will be completing my first assessment, a 20 minute seminar on the structure of the neonate skull.

After a break of about an hour and a half, my first lecture should have been followed by a tutorial. I turned up for it, as did the rest of the tutorial group... but not the tutor! Seems there had been a first day timetable SNAFU and the tutor thought she was starting at 4pm, not 12.

After the missed tutorial, it was off for another lecture - followed by another tutorial, and then my last lecture of the day. It doesn't sound like much when it's put like that, but it feels like it right now!

So many thoughts going through my head and my eyes keep on demanding that they be closed, so it's a half-hearted entry today and some much wanted sleep.

Although on a quick side-note there is awesome coffee! And they have good soy milk! Did I mention the coffee was awesome? Because it was! And they were so nice to a dorky first day student that asked for soy, had the lady behind the counter collect more soy and then realised she didn't have enough money to pay for the coffee (I thank the coffee gods for the kindness is letting me have a discounted coffee).

Animals, Humans and Wanting to Become a Nurse

A conversation and an email to a friend got me thinking about a few things today. In my last entry I wrote about how working with animals started me on this path towards becoming a nurse.

I've been working in Administration for close to a decade now and am currently employed by a health organisation. As my course starts on February 11 I'll be leaving work very shortly and most of my co-works are now aware of what I am doing. Generally they have been very supportive - including 'the bosses'.

Today one of 'the bosses' was congratulating me on getting into the bachelor of nursing program and asked if nursing was something I'd always wanted to do. Being me I was happy to honestly answer that it wasn't and when asked what made me want to do it I said that it was the work I had done with sick animals... I probably didn't answer in a particularly well though out way and am sure I came across as a ditz. I emailed a friend to tell her about it and she replied with something that struck me as central to my decision and my life - "...it reinforces the similarity in needs between animals and humans..."

And it's true - humans and animals react in such similar ways when they are sick and in pain. I've seen both humans and animals respond in ways that are aggressive, scared, appreciative of small gestures - a hand held, a soothing voice... Sometimes no matter how hard you try you can't save them... And sometimes those you think won't survive do...

And while I am sure these inital posts make it sound like I'm ignorant or naieve about the real work nurses do, I don't think that is the case - i'm going in to this expecting blood, guts, poop, vomit and things I have probably never imagined... I expect it to be hard work and there to be times when I wonder why I am doing this, but for the moment until that happens I want to focus on the good. To be excited about starting a new career... besides, reality will hit soon enough.

Reflections on past studies and thoughts on being an adult nursing student.

18 days before I start university on February 11. It's a little scary to think about now. The idea of making such a huge change - of becoming a student again at 28, voluntarily being unemployed for at least the next six months, if not the next three to four years (A bachelors degree in Australia takes three years, however there is the option of completing a fourth honours year) and chosing to live with my parents again to save on rent and accommodation costs while studying (I should get a small payment from the governemtn as a student, so at least there is something coming in).

It's interesting how differently I am treating my studies this time around, compared with when I was younger. I got my timetable as early as possible and tired to work out a few days off during the week that would allow me to pick up some work if I am finding it too hard to manage financially and to allow for study, assignment writing and research. I've been paying off all my bills in an attempt to start my studies as debt free as possible (although the studies themselves will incur a debt) and have been putting aside some of my pay for months to help cover study costs - including books and uniforms (uniforms are a requirement of the clinical classes).

Last time I was studying I turned up on the first day unaware of what my timetable would be. I would skip classes, and avoid buying books if I could. I was employed on and off, and at times I was employed fulltime - which while it might sound responsible often lead to ignoring my studies and completing assignments at the last second. I was lucky to fluke my way through some classes, but there were others that I had to repeat or sit supplimentary assessments for. And it's not something I want to find myself doing again.

This time around I feel like I'm in a better place to achieve good results with my studies. I have a direction and a goal to achieve that is much clearer than it has been with other studies. Even before making a final decision to study nursing I had decided that I was going to make a career change and that I didn't want to continuing working in administration for the rest of my life. I had also made the decision that if I was going to undertake any study to affect a career change it was going to be study that had a clear career outcome and would have good employment prospects. It also had to be something that I had an interest in and that I was able to find both personal and professional satisifaction from.

So, just what was it that made me decide to study nursing?

Part of me wants to say it was the office cat - which is true in part, if a little odd. One of the offices I was employed at in the last couple of years had a resident cat (who I'll call Mr Kitty, to protect the identity of my former workplace and Mr Kitty), a cat who had a hard life prior to being adopted by the office. Mr Kitty had survived terrible abuse as well as cancer, and although he was spoilt by all of those in the office, he was often sick. Prior to working in the office with Mr Kitty I was phobic of vomit, however after cleaning vomit off folders and my desk and being amused by seeing Mr Kitty vomit over a folder waiting to be collected by a staff member that didn't like him my phobia lessened.

At the same time as sharing an office with Mr Kitty I was fostering animals that were in need of some extra help, sick or pregnant which I loved.

I also studied science in the past both at high school and university and had adored the subjects relating to health and had even thought about undertaking a public health degree, which for various reasons I didn't.

And while I loved caring for animals, I still had an interest in human health and disease. And that interest only seems to increase the longer I am vegan. I also came to realise that as a child and a teenager I would never have considered a career in nursing because of the association with nurses being female - and to me going into an industry that was so predominantly female was against what I believed in then... I might have been a girl, but damned if I was going to act like my extended families ideal of one!

And while I knew that there were male nurses, I saw them in a similar way to how I saw female plumbers and builders - people chosing a career that wasn't traditionally associated with their gender as a way of fighting gender bias - something I saw myself as doing when I got older.

I'll always believe that an individual should be able to choose any career regardless of their gender, but I have come to realise that an individual shouldn't feel a need to not choose a career just because it's one traditionally associated with their gender.

And when it comes down to it, I want a career where I feel like I am doing something to benefit society, that I am helping human and/or non-humans. Where I can continue to learn and gain new and different experiences. And while it sounds less noble or more selfish than the previous points I want a career where I can feel secure in my employment and know I am going to earn a living wage. And of all the careers I considered when I decided that I was going to make a change nursing was the one that seemed to fulfil what I was seeking better than any other.

So here I am 18 days away from going back to university, from studying nursing and making a total career change. And I'm excited about making a change that I've wanted and needed to make for some time and I'm scared because it means leaving my comfort zone and taking a risk.

Queen of 1001 blogs Starts a New Blog

I've lost count of how many blogs I've started over the years, but here I am just a few days into another new year starting yet another blog.

This going to be a year of changes for me. One of the biggest being returning to university to embark on a new career. Early next month (February 2008) I will be starting classes to study a Bachelor of Nursing. I'm alternately scared and excited about it - although I think even the scariness has a sense of excitement to it.

I wonder how the things that are important to me are going to impact on my studies and my ability to work as a nurse, but for the first time in years I feel like I am starting on the right career path. I spent a lot of time researching schools and asking how their programs fit in with my own ethics - especially in relation to animal rights. Far too many schools still see animal dissections to be an essential part of studies in health and medicine (and that's not even starting to consider veterinary or other studies) - although most of the schools I contacted seemed to be willing to accommodate my ethical objections to participating in what I can only see as abuse.

Apart from starting to study nursing I'm going to be a bridesmaid to one of my wonderful friends (and obviously to her wonderful partner - who is also a great friend) who is getting married later in the year.

I'm also working towards some goals musically. I've been playing bass for a couple of years now and love free improvisation/avant garde/new music and am working towards playing my own music for an audience at some point this year.

So welcome to the blog of a vegan nursing student, a girl bassist, a woman with a mental illness, a believer in animal and human rights, a feminist, a lover of tea and so much more... A journey into a new life accompanied by wonderful friends, some great family and my furry children (in the form of guinea pigs)...