Thursday, February 7, 2008

Only A Few Days To Go

When I started the process of applying for university last year I was at a low point in my life. I had started working for a not-for-profit agency wanting to "make a difference", however I ended up hating my job and hating myself. When my employer found out about my mental illness (depression/generalised anxiety disorder) my supervisor started treating me differently. I was no longer a smart, intelligent person who was expected to carry out the workload of two people, I was stupid and incapable.
I would arrive at work to emails that were full of blame and the implication that I was incapable of my job - in spite of taking work home, working unpaid overtime, weekends and requesting assistance. I'm not going to say I wasn't struggling with the work, because I was... And I was taking a lot of time off.
It was during this time that I finally decided to do something about my employment situation. I'd fallen into office/administration work and to be honest, I'd never really liked it. I needed to feel like I was achieving something with my work - achieving in a way that was not just meeting deadlines. Which was why I took the job with the not-for-profit agency. And while I become more depressed there I did realise something - that I needed to find work where I could see the difference I was making, where I could see my achievements - even if nobody else could... Something more hands on.
I went to every university expo, open day and information day I could. And in the end it came down to one option - nursing. I've been alternately excited and scared about it for months. It's something that I never considered in the past - and something that when I think about it I wouldn't have had the maturity to deal with earlier on... but now it feels like one of the most right decisions I have made in my life. And now it's so close.
Come Monday I will be getting to know the university, finding my way around, getting books, ID and everything related to being a new student. I can't wait.
Over the weekend I'll be setting up my study space. I have found my ideal desk (a second-hand bargain at $25 - even with a little work to be done on it). I've got books and pens and a diary with all my lectures written out in it... And a determination to do well. *grins* why, yes I am a geek!
At the beginning of this process there were those that questioned my desire to do nursing... but that's been changing, in the last week I've had nothing but encouragement and support and it's a wonderful feeling.

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